Thursday, June 7, 2012
Fear and Anxiety
Silas has done really well with all the adjustments he has had to make over the past month. He is attaching to Tim and I as his parents and to all of the other kids as his siblings. He understands what the roles are in a family and is comfortable with that.
We have been trying to "cocoon" as much as possible, but with six other kids, that gets a bit tricky at times. I also think that Silas being four years old, he does want to get out of the house, be with kids, etc. But we are taking it slowly.
We have seen some fear and anxiety, and who can blame him... his world has completely changed. In one day he went from one family to another, to a mother who looked weird and talked funny. Someone he couldn't communicate with -- and still can't! His diet has changed, his daily schedule has changed, the world looks and sounds like a completely different place. And yet, he takes it all in stride. He is happy and full of smiles and joy, except for a few little moments here and there.
Tim and I will lay down with him at bedtime and then once he is asleep, we sneak out of the room. A few times he has woken up and discovered we weren't there and he panicked. Those deep, heart wrenching cries, where he gasps for air even after he calms down.
He had an accident one day -- same thing. Him wondering what our reaction would be and if we would still like him. We do!
Today, he had his MRI and they had to put him to sleep for it. As soon as we changed him into the hospital pyjama's he panicked and cried in fear. Luckily, both Tim and I could be there for that moment and comfort him. You have to wonder what is going through his mind in these moments... my guess is that he is wondering if we are coming back, if his world is changing again, if he is getting a new family. The hospital provided us with a Mandarin speaking nurse, who explained everything to him and he woke up content and at peace.
He is learning to trust that we always come back, that we will never send him away or not love him. But it takes time, especially when he is four. I am thankful that summer holidays will soon be here. Everything stops and relaxes and we can spend more time together, without it affecting the older kids too much. God's timing is always perfect!
* Don't mind my instagram photos... every time I pull out my big camera, he makes the goofy faces and the victory sign!