Friday, August 23, 2013

Lilah's Eyes


I took Lilah to see the Optometrist again for her check up. We were amazed to see that the vision in her right eye is now every bit as good as the vision in her left eye! Almost perfect vision... I wasn't even patching anymore and yet it has continued to improve.

I did notice that Lilah had recently started tilting her head, especially when watching tv. It was like she was looking with only one eye. I had no idea what to make of this. Even though both eyes are seeing really well, they are not working together. She is using only one eye at a time and has no depth perception. We are now changing her prescription so that the right eye isn't quite so strong and the left eye is stronger. Forcing both eyes to work harder. We will also be starting some vision therapy to try to get her eyes to start working together.

Lilah's eyes used to look slightly different directions, one to one side, the other to the other side. Now one is looking more up and the other more down. The Optometrist thought it may have to do with the fat injections she had under that eye and that maybe that was pushing up on the eyeball. (Tim laughed). It could also have to do with the bony structure -- her cleft -- shifting and changing.

She is being referred to an Opthomologist at the University Hospital so we will see what he has to say.


Either way... we definitely have experienced some little medical miracles with this girl.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Loving Lilah

And then my soul
saw you and it kind
of went "Oh there
you are. I've been
looking for you."


I have been planning on this post for a long time now, then I would decide not to write about it, because as soon as I say that something is going really well... everything would start to go wrong again.


It finally feels like Lilah and I have gotten to a really good place. I feel like she has become the little girl that I always knew was in there, I would see glimpses of her, and then the traumatized Lilah would appear once again. She feels like she belongs here and I can't imagine life without her in it. Anyone that has been following this blog knows the struggles that she and I have had since day one. It has taken four years to get to this point in our relationship. It probably could have taken a lot less if I hadn't allowed my protective walls to continually go up and I had sought out professional help sooner. But the one thing that I have learned (through deep conversations with many other adoptive mothers) is that I was never alone in the things that I felt or the reactions I had towards this little girl.


Lilah has changed so much this past year. And I have too. All the therapy that we did together seemed to be exactly what she needed. She has learned to control her anxiety most of the time. We still have our moments, but I am seeing much more understanding and compassion on my part, which in turn, is exactly what she also needs. Everyone that has gone through these years with us and especially anyone who I would go to for advice, has seen these changes in her and comments on it. She seems to have matured a lot this year and now acts her age in all ways. She is very smart and was very bossy and manipulative, but I have seen these behaviours also dwindle lately.


Lilah comes to me now for all the little things that a child should come to a mother for. She reaches out to me for affection. She accepts discipline, without freaking out. And we laugh together.

Lilah is done with seeing the Psychologist. This could change over the years as new needs and hurts arise, but for now we are done!

I have made you
and I will carry
you; I will sustain
you and I will
rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Sunday, August 4, 2013



I have decided I hate camping.


Even Tim this year, said "Why do we do this?"


It is so much work with seven children, and yet my children are why we do camp. They LOVE it and I do love seeing them outside all day, exhausted and happy at bedtime.


We headed to Cypress Hills this past weekend for a family reunion. There were thirty of us there, ranging from age 3 to 90. We do this every year, and every year, everyone comes. My Oma is 90 and suffers from dementia. She can barely see or hear. She doesn't know who most of us are anymore. But she was sitting there in her lawn chair and she looked at us all and said, "This is all my family?". This alone, made it worth going.


I think I just about froze to death on this trip. Our Alberta weather is so unpredictable, you never know what you are going to get. We actually packed it up one day early and went to my parents for the last night. We did take kids and go on a 8.2 KM hike to Horseshoe Canyon. The kids walked the whole way and didn't complain until the very end. Silas had some trouble with his foot when walking downhill and Tim had to carry him a lot. I really need to focus on getting mobility in that little foot of his before school starts.


I had a friend tell me yesterday that I don't seem like the camping type. I told her I AM the camping type if the weather is 30 degrees everyday, I am in my trailer (where the bears and cougars can't get me) with my heater, my air conditioner, my full bathroom, my feather bed and my duvet.